My life

My life
I am truly Blessed

Thursday, June 23, 2011

You speak when your mind ceases to be at peace- Kahlil Gibran

I have recently finished reading "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. It was an amazing and insightful book. Thank God for spell check. But anyways, the book references the Bible many times indirectly. It actually inspired me to continue to not only read the Bible and better my relationship with Jesus, but to start an upward trend in our relationship. Actually that kind of "relationship" deserves a capitol R- Relationship.

I notice that my Relationship with Jesus kind of goes up and down. I tried to pinpoint what causes such a thing, and I've found that its usually when things are good that i start breaking away a little. It starts out as me not reading the Bible as often. Not waking up early to read because i "need the sleep". It starts with me saying a curse word, or watching a show that i know isn't going to better my life or others. It starts with me rushing through prayers because I'm tired and worrying a little too much about how i "look". These are all the signs of me heading for a bottom in my Relationship with God. Its not going to be my lowest bottom, but a local bottom. A bottom that will let me see my folly and give me the desire to bounce back. I don't know that Jesus likes this though. What I do know is that He loves me enough to discipline and correct me when I'm wrong, which He has done plenty of in the past.

I should back up for anyone who is in the dark (not the evil kind). I am a Christian Missionary living on an Orphanage in Jacmel, Haiti. I work through the Hands and Feet Project, and I am currently in Washington State visiting family. I don't know what to call it exactly, furlough maybe. Its not vacation, its not leave, its just a visit to the states i suppose. I have to renew my visa every few months anyways, but it is a good time for Missionaries, and myself particularly, to reflect on things without the pressing issues of being on the orphanage. In this "visit" i have traveled to Florida, Maryland, North Carolina, Ohio, and now Washington State, all in a very short time period of less than two weeks. I will be returning to Haiti again soon, but am enjoying my time seeing family now.

My life hasn't always been in the Mission field though, and in fact at one point it was very far from it. The farthest you can be in fact. I was one of Satan's soldiers. Not in the Satan worshipping kind of way, but i was a non-believer in God. I didn't know what to believe actually, but i knew that God wasn't real. I just knew it, and i lived my life as though there was no one watching, and that i needed to have as much worldly pleasure as possible before i died and drifted off into the black nothingness of death. I have a lot of experience in what not to do. But God saved me. He pulled me from the fiery pit and offered me a deal, one that is still being carried out. He offered me freedom from the addictions that plagued me, and in return I was/am to serve others, and Him. I took the job after a little resistance, but i had no choice.

I am kind of bouncing around here, but I'm trying to get more into the blogging life. I will be back with another blog soon. I have realized that the only people spending time reading my blogs will be people i know, or would want to know anyways, and the people i might fear of judging me would probably not be "wasting" their time on me. Its good to realize that. Its good to be freed of self centered fear, even if it is for the moment.

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